"Perhaps you were madly in love last week, but woke up today feeling comfort in solitude, without a desire to be held."

Since adopting this practice of offering gratitude, I've found my days brighten and my heart open. But I've also struggled with balancing this new(er) mindset with my natural gravitation towards the melancholic. A lot of people who consider me an acquaintance might be surprised to know that I'm drawn to things that are darker, more emotional, sadder, even, because I'm generally a rather bubbly, outgoing person. I'm constantly told that I'm the girl who smiles all the time, which I love. I don't want to change that (mostly) accurate perception. But I honestly find melancholy really beautiful. I find it romantic, in a way. Most of my favorite films are sad; I generally prefer singing and listening to ballads rather than up-tempo pieces; I enjoy solitude.

So I'm asking myself, how does all that fit into this bright, light, grateful existence? How do I not feel guilty for this outlook?

I think I (and we) have to realize that it's perfectly okay to be sad. It's okay to have dark days, to not be particularly grateful once in a while. It's okay to have lows as well as highs. That's what makes us human. It's alright to want to seclude myself for a while, put on something slow and acoustic, and enjoy the grey skies or - even better - the rain. The key is to soak in the moment, or the day if need be, and then continue ahead. Be grateful for the dark, because then the light will be that much brighter. Live in that moment. Just be cautious to not dwell too long.

Today is one of those days. It's not a bad day, there's nothing particularly out of the ordinary about it. But I'm craving solitude and quiet. I want a good cup of coffee, music in the background, my cat curled up next to me, and maybe some rain outside. I don't feel like being social, especially with my family, and I don't feel the need to make everyone happy. I don't really want to be goofy, running around and entertaining the puppy. And today I'm not going to feel guilty about that. I'm going to embrace it.

What about you? What balance within yourself are you struggling with today, and how might you reconcile it?

[A final note: The quote in this entry's title is something Jason Mraz said in a past blog, in case you were wondering. It stuck with me the first time I read it, and came to mind again when I was writing this. Here's the page if you'd like to read his entry in full: http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html. Scroll down to the last post, October 2, 2008. I think what he says there still rings true, and I especially connect to the phrase, "Everything is fine. Not finAL." He also says this, which sums up my entry today, and which I think is very true: "You are safe behind your honest decisions and mood swings."]

Love and peace to you, my dears.