Days 726-28: Abu

Today, I am grateful for:
* the Women's World Cup. I'm having so much fun watching.
* tickets the the 5th tonight with Phil (and Justin and Kirsten)!
* some good opportunities coming my way.
* dresses that make me feel pretty.
* good music.

Days 721-25: Fat Squirrel

I've been falling back into old habits lately. Bad habits to be exact. Part of me thinks/knows that's been a big reason I've been avoiding this practice; I'm afraid of getting caught. But the truth is: I struggle every day with my weight, my self esteem and the disease that ties them together. I'd love to say that after Walden Pond-ing it for two whole years, I feel a lot better, but life hasn't changed all that much. I have, but life hasn't, and it's hard not to reacclimate to the life I once knew.

For those loved ones I haven't seen in a while: apologies. I've been far too ashamed of myself to venture much past work or the occasional meeting. It hurts a lot to have gone away broken and realize that, even now, I'm only just bandaged.

It's times like these when I struggle with gratitude on a larger level. Sure, I'm thankful for the sunshine, but how much does that matter when I can't look at myself in the mirror? I suppose that's the big question (or at least the one I'm choosing to focus on): Are little bits of gratitude the gateway to "big gratitude" and, eventually, happiness? I ask this not knowing the answer.

But in the meantime, I'm still grateful for:
* sunshine.
* an amazing boyfriend.
* great friends.
* some opportunities hopefully on the horizon.
* finding a way.

Days 677-720: Long Time Gone

Life is a strange thing. It's ours - "our life" - but we have very little control over it. And for control freaks like me, that can be a problem. I turned 25 a few days ago, and I found myself having a quarter-life crisis, thinking about what I'd done and trying to figure out what exactly I wanted to do. And the truth is: having a plan is good, but it's never something to count on because so much is out of our control. I keep thinking about how "you can't control the situation; you can only control how you handle the situation." That's something I need to practice with my gratitude. Phil has been a good influence on that. (He's far more relaxed than I am.) But I need to start owning it for myself.

Today, I am grateful for:
* the most amazing boyfriend.
* friends I can say anything to.
* wonderful, wonderful music.
* good conversation.
* girl-talk in the break room.
* high fives.
* finally getting my hair done.
* this strange sense of calm.
* love.