Day 21: Do Over

I woke up yesterday morning (and went to bed the night before) with all this energy and conviction to get things done yesterday. I was going to find a dance studio that offered adult classes and pick a few literary journals to submit a few pieces to. It was going to be a productive day, even if that productivity meant seldomly leaving my bedroom (which always feels so unproductive even if I get a lot done).

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that those plans got sidetracked fairly quickly. See, I forgot to take my medication for a few days while on the road and recovering from the trip, and my body reacted by busting out in tears at a comment that my father made. Normally, his comment would have annoyed me. Yesterday it sent me into a complete breakdown. I went down to my mother and collapsed in tears, sobbing about how I feel like I'll never be good enough and how "all I want is to be okay." ("I just want to be okay" has become something of a personal mantra.)

Then, after getting my mood picked up by my mother, Sophie and our neighbor, Debbie (who stopped by to see if we wanted to join them for amazing Mexican food on Sunday night), I managed to almost break my toe just by being clumsy. I managed to run part of my foot against a wall (while missing the doorway with everything but my big toe) and was forced to spend the night in bed, foot propped up and almost passing out from the pain.

So today, able to put a little weight on my foot, I am calling "do over." I have every intention of figuring out my dance options today, and I'm going to pick at least one journal to submit to. If I find more journals, I'll be ecstatic, but I'm making myself find at least one.

Today, on my do over of yesterday, I am grateful:

• that I'm pretty sure my toe is just hella sprained. I can put a little bit of weight on it, and it's bending at least a little. As long as I keep off of it today (easy to do with my projects for the day), it should be fine in a few days.
• for my mother. She stayed with me basically all day yesterday. I woke her up when I broke down yesterday morning, and she let me cry and assured me that I would be okay. Then, when I hurt my foot/toe, she stayed with me, getting me ice and Advil, and helped me walk wherever I needed to. She didn't go to bed until she knew I was falling asleep. (She even created a pillow-bumper on either side of me so that I didn't fall off my bed while twisting in pain. I'm not sure when she did it, but I woke up surrounded my massive amounts of pillows. It was so sweet.)
• for Sophie's adorableness. (If that isn't a word, I'm making it one for today. I'm pretty sure it's not a word...) When I was crying yesterday, she brought me her ball and insisted on playing with me to make me feel better. She even grumbled at my mom when she insisted that Sophie give me a little bit of space. The poor thing got so stressed that I was stressed that we had to calm her down. She's the sweetest thing, and she distracted me enough that I eventually forgot how sad I was.
• Jason Mraz on the Today Show. (Thanks to Lauren for spreading the word.) I didn't sleep terribly well and woke up this morning because I couldn't quite find a comfortable way for my foot to rest, and it's nice to wake up in a haze to Jason. (Sad face for it only being on the television.) After he's done, I do believe that I'll go back to bed, but I'm enjoying starting my day with some great music and some positivity.
• this cool little key chain that holds digital pictures. I find it seriously amusing that I can carry around up to seventy-five miniature pictures wherever I go. It's nice to have a reminder of good times to be able to carry anywhere. I packed it with my favorite memories with college friends, and it's impossible to be anything but happy while looking through the different pictures. (I also found hella pictures I had forgotten about while filling it.)