Day 20: So I Really Hope I Can Still Dance

It's finale week on So You Think You Can Dance, and as I was watching the performance show last night, I got to thinking about how much of my life used to be about dance. While chances to hang out with friends often got declined in favor of dance classes, I loved the feeling of being in the studio and being on stage. I tried a lot of stuff in my younger years. I played basketball, gave volleyball a try, took tae kwon do and rode horses, all fairly seriously, but dance is the thing that stuck with me through the years.

Watching the final four dance last night, I remembered exactly how freeing it was to let my body say all of the things that I was too shy or scared to put into words. And it occurred to me last night exactly how much I wanted that feeling back. (I also think it would be a healthy way to process all of my conflicting and rather intense emotions.)

So it's my project today to find a dance studio here. It'll take a little research and a few in-home test runs to decide exactly what level I should enroll in since I'm guessing there's no denotation for "I'm twenty-three and would like to double check that I can still get my ass in gear the way I used to be able to," but that's why I'm giving myself the whole day.

I've been debating over getting back into dance for a while now, but I've been scared that it plays into my weight consciousness and my obsessive perfectionist tendencies. And true, it can. But if I avoid everything in life that could be a trigger, I'm never going to do anything.

Bonus: I also decided this morning to spend whatever time I have left today (and maybe a little time tomorrow) looking into literary journals and small publishing companies. There are a few pieces that I've gotten pretty polished, and it's about time I started submitting again.

My list of gratefulness for the day goes a little something like this:

• inspiration in places I wasn't looking for it - Who would have thought that a reality tv show could help reignite a serious passion for me?
• sushi - I've found some amazing Blazing California Rolls here that are good at any time.
• a marathon of my favorite crime drama all day yesterday when I was feeling really sick
• Isaac and Natalie's wedding that is taking place today - They are seriously one of the most grounded, realistic, adorable couples that I have seen in a long time, and I'm super sad that I couldn't be there for the wedding, but I'm incredibly happy for them.
• this self confidence kick that I'm on - For a girl who is terrified of failure and doing poorly, I'm suddenly very excited about some things that could go very...not so great.