Day 45: A Real Life Plan

It's been twenty days since I gave up red meat. Almost three weeks. And true, there have been cravings. (I would have killed for a bacon cheeseburger yesterday. Killed.) But I think it's working out rather well.

Not only has it forced me to eat healthier, but I'm also a little less cautious about how much I eat. I know that sounds like a bad thing, but after years of not letting myself eat more than 900 calories, that's a good thing. Trust me. I need to make a lot more progress, but this is a really good step in the right direction.

I still have a lot of issues to work out with my depression and my anorexia. I think the past few days have demonstrated that fairly well. But I had to start a real life plan somewhere, and this is a start. This is something I can do know matter where I am. I don't need my doctors or a therapist to help me through this. Eating like this is something I can do for me.

I think I'm going to spend another year here in Hot Springs before moving on. (Since it's me, nothing is set in stone, but I'll be here for a while to say the least.) During this next year or ten months, I need to work on real life solutions that don't include needing my own Walden or periodic nervous breakdowns. The first isn't realistic for a city girl like me, and the second one just sucks. I speak from experience.

So today, I am grateful for:

• chicken and turkey. They let me have all of my favorite foods, even if they have to be slightly modified.
• "Beautiful Mess" by Jason Mraz. I've been obsessed with it for the past day or so. I'm not sure what it says about me that I gravitate towards songs like this, but sometimes I need to hear that the two things aren't mutually exclusive. It's also just a beautiful song sung by an amazing man.
• getting BSG in the mail today from Netflix. Kelli told me I should check it out, so I'm going to curl up a little early tonight and start from the beginning.
• my favorite pseudo-Swede. I'm grateful that she got her card and that she's got a good life going there. Time to save up for one epic vacation. (Loves!)
• Banjo, my aunt's Corgi, who had to be put down yesterday. He was the most adorably chubby Corgi I have ever met, and he was a complete darling. I trust that he is now running around the big field in the sky and harassing someone until they play tug with him. Rest in peace, little buddy.