Days 23 and 24: Naps are Wonderful

1. My wonderful naps yesterday and today.
2. An amazing dance rehearsal this morning. I'm really happy with the choreography I created late last night in my living room and my dancers are picking up my weird movement style really well.
3. This entire winter Olympic games. It has been entertaining and, most of all, inspiring. I am going to challenge myself this year to truly become more of an athlete.
4. Day seven of my sugar cleanse! I'm going strong and I'm so proud of myself. I will have to eat some sugar onstage tonight and tomorrow and Wednesday, but I'm over most of my cravings and considering just sticking with this sugar cleanse at least til my birthday...we will see...
5. Everything blooming. Today was truly beautiful.
6. Food Inc. It is an amazing documentary and I wish it was required watching for every American. It is scary how much our food has become a business and how messed up the whole system is. It inspires me to make a change, but also saddens me and makes me worry that we will never be able to remedy the problems we have created.
7. My shopping adventure this afternoon. For the lifestyle project in my Conservation of Natural Resources class we are asked to make a few changes in order to be more energy efficient. I'm changing my diet for one of my categories. We are asked to eat vegetarian and cut back on processed food and since I'm already a proud veggie I will be eating vegan and NO processed food. That includes anything remotely processed. No bread, nothing out of a container...it should be a challenge, but in excited.
8. Finding frozen granny smith apples.
9. Our run thru of Cripple tonight. It is the most amazing show I've ever been a part of and I'm excited to run the entire show tonigjt.
10. Pooka. As always.
Namaste

Day 226: Some Boy-Centric Gratitude

Today, I am grateful for:
* the best night of my life last night. Honestly.
* how much my family loves Phil.
* how much Phil's family seems to like me.
* Phil's button up shirt.
* covert kisses.

Day 225: Hockey

P's supposed to meet my dad's side of the family tonight over dinner. And while I'm usually excited to show my baby off, I'm less excited about this, maybe because I'm not close to this side of my family. I'd rather have him to myself for a little bit. Maybe it's because the plans have really changed, so I'm a little (really) embarrassed. But that's how important he is to me.

Today, I am grateful for:
*meeting P's family last night and having it go so well.
*seeing my first live hockey game and loving it.
*falling asleep in his arms last night.
*an amazing coffee with Kim yesterday morning and getting to laugh and talk with Justin in the afternoon.
*good friends.

"Twizzle, Twazzle, Twum."

Today, I'm grateful for:

• spending yesterday in Seattle with my best girls.
• amazing food - yesterday, today, in general. I'm suuuuch a foodie.
• catching up with Spencer over coffee, which turned into catching up over dinner. I lovelovelove him. Everyone please send him good vibes for his Juilliard audition this weekend!
• the high Bs and Cs that seem to have magically appeared in my voice. I just finished an entirely belt show... I shouldn't be able to hit those notes. But I am, and what's more, they're feeling remarkably easy. Working on Josephine's arias for Pinafore has been really challenging, but also refreshing.
• sleeeep. Which I am going to go do right now. Rehearsal in the morning, gotta get some rest.

Days 21 and 22: Frustrations

The last two days have been filled with frustrations. Missed appointments, annoying classes, hard rehearsals, body image issues, "friend" issues, etc etc etc. But this isn't the place to focus on such things instead I'm going to find the gratitude that can sometimes be so hard to find in these 'low' times...
1. The Olympics. Again. Of course. It really does inspire me to become more of an athlete.
2. Only having about 13 weeks of undergrad left.
3. Having my mullet-ish awkward growing out hair cut off into a cute bob-esque cut.
4. My mom. I can't wait to see her in a couple weeks.
5. Getting to sleep in tomorrow.
6. My epic nap this evening.
7. Having no definite plans tomorrow.
8. Day 5 of my sugar cleanse. It is getting tough, but I'm hanging in.
9. Cripple of Inishmaan. It is so hard, but so fun.
10. Spring break only being a few weeks away.
Namaste

Day 224: Tiny Brie Orgasms

I think yesterday may be my favorite day back in Seattle so far. And it'll be hard to top. L, Kelli and I got all dolled up to head into Seattle for a some shopping and some amazing food. (We really did eat well.) We got to chat and laugh and catch up in person, which is something I miss like crazy. Then it was off to Swink Style Bar for a kick off party for Legally Blonde (the musical). We got to get our hair done, have some pink champagne and chat with the wonderful ladies styling us. (I may actually keep in touch with the girl who did my hair. She was that cool and super sweet.)

But after the festivities, it was time to say goodbye. P met me in Seattle, met the girls real quick (which I'm so glad got to happen) and took me out. There's something amazing about being in public with him, this joy that comes from showing him off. And Cheesecake Factory is never a bad thing. Never.

I'll spare everyone the details of the best kisses of my life, but the sweetest thing was just laying in bed talking about anything and everything with P. It's nice to know that physical stuff isn't everything; it's a hell of a bonus.

Today, I am grateful:
* getting to see my best girls.
* an amazing day of fashion, food and fun.
* being able to say anything that comes to my mind.
* parking garages.
* spending the later part of my night talking and kissing.

Day 223: Sleepy Sam

I've got a full day ahead of me, complete with some serious girl time and some killer boy time.

Today, I am grateful for:
*last night. It was amazing.
*seeing the old roomie yesterday.
*sleeping in today.
*feeling a bit better this morning.
*having plans with P's parents for dinner on Friday.

Day 20: Day 3

1. The third successful day of my sugar cleanse. Other than eating the sugar I had to eat onstage I haven't had any sugar (other than fruit).
2. An amazing rehearsal tonight. Intense discussion. This show is seriously intense.
3. Knowing that my tummy ache will feel better in the morning. I don't know why it is so unhappy right now.
4. The Olympics. Of course.
5. PE 100 being cancelled today.
Namaste

Day 222: Let the girl time begin!

So I'm sick, which is a massive drag. I was up half the night coughing and all that, and it sounds like K is in the same boat. But in about two hours, we'll be reunited (sans army roll). Then it's chilling with Erin. And then time with the Boy.

I'm so excited to start seeing my girls. Planning has been a little hectic, especially now that P and I have so many places to be, but I could not be more excited. This is the perfect vacation.

Today, I am grateful for:
*cough drops.
*seeing the girls today.
*having plans to catch up with old friends on Saturday.
*good music.
*this bug hopefully passing very quickly.

Day 19: I agree with Sam...

1. Ice dancing. Even though the related ones creep me out too.
2. Colbert Report at the Olympics. Particularly the irish heritage bit.
3. Marlene's.
4. Things shaping up for the Pinecone this summer.
5. Another great rehearsal.
Namaste

Day 221: Ice dance couples who are related creep me out.

Today, I am grateful for:
* falling asleep in his arms last night.
* Chapstick.
* dinner going well last night. (I cooked for P and his roommate last night.)
* phone trees.
* text chats with the girls.

Day 18: We have only what you see...

So, today was exhausting. I basically didn't stop going all day. So much class. So much rehearsal. But it was also day one of a sugar cleanse I'm embarking on with an old friend and about 15 strangers. It is great to have a support network, even if they are far away and mostly strangers. Today was a wonderful start and I'm looking forward to feeling and looking great these next 29 days. Okay! On to my list!
1. A wonderful and hilarious rehearsal.
2. The work I did in our first directing assignment. I'm excited to have us perform them tomorrow.
3. My Conservation of Natural Resources Lab actually being fun! Wonderful surprise.
4. The Daily Show being back. :-)
5. Peanut Butter.
Namaste.

Days 214-220: Exit 168B

I know I've been absent from gratitude for a while, and I never really planned for that. I left Hot Springs and drove across the country (with my parents and the dogs) to Seattle (well, Kirkland). For those of you who follow my on Twitter, you witnessed my gratitude in 140 character bursts, quick lists of love. But I meant to get back in the practice once my feet were in the Homeland. Let's just say I've been busy... But I think this is my most grateful week yet.

I'm back in Seattle. My home. Where my heart is and where my life is. I'm only days away from reunions with friends, and I've gotten to spend some good time with my extended family. But most of my gratitude is because of him.

After five months apart, I finally got to see P on Friday night. And it's been amazing ever since. Most anyone who knows me (or has even just met me) knows I don't fall for people. I don't like getting attached or getting hurt. And since no one's ever been worth it, I've never really bothered. But I couldn't be happier that I did this time. I'm pretty confident that this is the happiest I've ever been.

I'm not going to list all of my gratitude for the past days, mostly because it would be completely repetitive. Instead, I'll offer the gratitude that has recurred the most since I packed up from Hot Springs.

I am beyond grateful for:
*being in Seattle.
*having this chance to see friends.
*getting to be with him.
*falling in love.
*my amazing family.

Day 17: Moving on from Sneezes, Hicups, and Orgasms

1. Dance rehearsal this morning. Amazing.
2. Stumble thru tonight. Didn't love my performance, but it was good to see the arc of the play.
3. Eating on stage. It is ridiculous!
4. Smiling. Smiling is my favourite.
5. Pooka. Yeah.
Namaste

"I thought, I can do better than that."

It's been a million years since my last post, and a lot of crazy shit has gone down. (Crazy good and crazy bad.)

I kinda feel like I should try to recap my last few weeks, but the task seems so daunting that I'm not even going to try. Most of you know it already anyway. Instead, I'd like to focus on what I'm grateful for here, tonight (or this morning, depending on how you look at it), in this now moment. Some of that is sure to be from the last few weeks... we'll see what I come up with.

In this moment, I am grateful for:

• hot tea with lemon.
• the amazing friends I made during RENT. I know they probably won't see this, but thank you for a fuckin' fantastic show and for being some of the nicest, funniest, most supportive, outrageously talented people I've ever met. I wish the show never had to end; I miss the bohemia already!
• spending my Valentine's evening cuddling with a gorgeous man.... even if he's gay.
• being cast as Josephine in H.M.S. Pinafore. I'm so excited to tackle a lead again, especially an operatic soprano role. And I'm super excited that Katie's playing Buttercup!
• the Olympics. They're addictive. I find myself caring SO MUCH about sports that I otherwise would never watch. And like Clare said, it's inspiring to see what these athletes can do.
• the bedazzlement of all the Olympic skaters and ice dancers. Endless entertainment there, my friends. I mean, come on... Johnny Weir rocked a hot pink shoulder tassel and corset lacing. Seriously?! Seriously. (Btw, if you haven't seen his Poker Face routine yet, go look it up RIGHT NOW. So amazing... like the Fug Girls said, it's everything you're thinking and more.)
• K and S for talking me through the ups and downs of my weird-ass boy situation.
• understanding (and being reassured by my girls) that I deserve nothing less than the best. Life isn't worth it if I have to be sloppy seconds.
• music that perfectly expresses everything I'm feeling.
• my upcoming reunion with Sam!!! It's so close now!!!
• (And most importantly:) my wonderful mother, who took such good care of me when I had the nastiest stomach flu from Thursday night through Sunday. (I've been on the mend today.) In complete honesty, I don't know how I'd have made it through without her - yes, it wasn't life-threatening, but the last thing I wanted in the world was to be left alone. And my mama took time off work, let me sleep in her bed, and stayed by my side almost 24/7. I know I probably take her for granted sometimes, and we don't always see eye-to-eye, but I am so, so, so grateful for her.

Day 16: "I like big fat epic stuff like Hamlet, Angels in America, Wicked..."

1. Seeing Justin in Speech and Debate at Seattle Rep. Be was amazing. As was the show. The quote above is from this incredible play.
2. My first real dance rehearsal tomorrow...well...in a few hours to be honest...
3. Seeing Justin tonight. I miss him.
4. The Olympics. For the usual reasons.
5. My AWESOME costume for Cripple!!!!
Namaste

Day 15: "Inside my mouth i can hear all the voices say do not lean over the ledge..."

1. Getting the first 50 seconds of my piece choreographed this morning! Now I just need to get another 50 or so seconds choreographed tomorrow! Then rehearsal Sunday!!!
2. Jack getting inducted into APO.
3. Knowing that I'm really ready to make some changes I've been afraid of for a while.
4. My late night cleaning frenzy tonight. I LOVE cleaning at night. Sleeping is so much more fulfilling when my apartment is clean. Or at least very tidy. :-)
5. Going to see Justin in Speech and Debate at Seattle Rep tomorrow. So proud.
Namaste.

Day 14: A fortnight of gratitude...

1. Getting started on my choreography.
2. Seeing the middle aged version of myself in stage make-up today. So cool.
3. Vega protein powder. Perfect meal on the go.
4. Luna bars. See above.
5. The Olympics. Again. So inspiring. It makes me want to make something of myself.
Namaste.

Day 13: Non-Steroid Inhaler

1. As the title says, the inhaler the health centre gave me. It has helped a little with my cough...
2. The Olympics. Again. It is really inspiring me to want to get in great shape again. I wish I had my bike here...and I can't wait to ski this winter.
3. My mom. She's the best.
4. Sunshine. :-)
5. All of my classes except oceanography. And, for that matter, skipping oceanography today.
Bonus: my two hour nap today. :-)
Namaste

Day 12: Confession

1. Our Confession assignment in directing. So fun so far.
2. A great rehearsal salvaging a mediocre evening.
3. Finding new ways to love an old song that I thought I'd lost my passion for.
4. Smiles.
5. My mom. She's the best.

Making My Way Home

Well as usual it's been eighty million years since my last post, and, well, I feel as though I'm in this weird limbo place. I have very few classes. Very. Few. And so it is my responsibility to fill it with productive, useful things. That is so NOT easy! All I do is sit around a lot, watch TV, and think about all the things I should be doing. Sigh.

All I really want is to move home, like, two weeks ago. I want my life to start. I'm tired of school being it. I'm tired of it being my only focus. I want to make my own schedule (which involves work, I know!) and practice and sing and perform and do an "I told you so" dance every now and again for all the people here who didn't believe in me. ANYHOODLE....I swear this won't be a Negative Nancy post, cause that's no fun.

I'm grateful for:

--Getting closer and closer to moving home.

--Organizing and cleaning the house and KEEPING it that way! (Go me!)

--Finding rep on my own and mayhaps doing a musical theater/cabaret recital...we shall see, but I'm hopeful!

--Having such wonderful friends here who genuinely make me laugh! I will miss them fo sho.

--My supportive Mama and Kari for coming to my recital. It was nice to hang with them and drink with Kari!!! Haha.

--The weather getting warmer. Bring it Spring, bring it.

--Dancing to Lady GaGa in my room. There's nothing better.

--Seeing a Kick-ASS production of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest here at CSU. It gives me hope for the theater department.

--My recital being over!!!

--Graduating soon!!!

Sending (and receiving) Love!!!!

Day 11: Coughing

1. Rehearsal. Again. Incredible.
2. Hope that my cough will go away soon.
3. The Olympics. Again. Brilliant. Love it.
4. Experiences...both positive and negative. We learn from them all.
5. Classes I enjoy. Even though I have classes I don't enjoy I need to focus on the ones I do.
Namaste.

Day 213: I'm Yours

My plans to get to Seattle have changed more times than I can even explain, often creating a nice little clusterfuck of stress. But now, finally, all of the decisions have been made, and at 6am tomorrow, I hit the road with my parents and my two dogs. It'll be a push to drive across the country in three days, but I could not be more excited.

Apologies if I'm absent from sharing my gratitude for a few days while on the road. I have the feeling I'll be exhausted when we reach the hotels at night. But trust that I am grateful for this amazing trip.

I am grateful for:
* this trip.
* great music to listen to on the road.
* the most amazing, understanding guy I've ever met.
* good books.
* this amazing video I found through J. Brown.

Day 10: Give in to Love

1. Seeing Rent.
2. An amazing rehearsal tonight.
3. Good friends.
4. My dancers! I'm excited to start working!
5. The Olympics and the pictures my dad has been sending me. See facebook if you're interested. :-)

Day 212: "You're crazy. I like that."

Today, I am grateful for:
* good books.
* the Olympics.
* loving texts from friends.
* fleece blankets.
* snow.

Days 8 and 9: Where are You?

So, the last two days have been a bit of a roller coaster. I stopped eating raw, I had dance auditions, I went and saw the Last Days of Judas Iscariot at UW and I found out my Oceanography prof doesn't believe in global warming. Dance auditions were great. I have eight great dancers, four of whom I've worked with before and love and four of whom I am soon to love. Maureen is being frustrating and wont let me change my song. It is so hard to audition with a song that inspires you in November and still have the same level of inspiration in FEBRUARY. Ugh. I'm hoping she will cave and let me change, because I am so inspired by my new song and I really really want to use it.

Tonight a bunch of PLU folk went and saw The Last Days of Judas Iscariot at UW. It was their grad program production. Okay, so we just did this show in the fall, student directed by Travis Morris, and I wasn't in it, though many people say I should have been. I love the play, and I loved our production. I had some problems with a few performances and a few directing choices, but overall I thought it was a great show. Okay, with that said, I LOVED UW's production. It was amazing. The actors were incredible. There were women playing men, people playing across race, people playing tons of characters and changing their physicality drastically for each one. I thought it was amazing and it moved and surprised me more than I would have thought possible since I am so familiar with the play already.

Well, we went to Dick's afterward to get some cheap food (I just watched people eat since it is burgers) and chat about the show. BIG MISTAKE. People literally yelled at Anne and I for liking it. I was told I was dumb, someone yelled in my face and told me the show was fucking awful. It was horrid. I felt so attacked and so hated. It was just such a horrible energy space. It was as if Anne and I were bad people for enjoying a well performed piece of theatre. The set was amazing (which EVERYONE agreed on) but beyond that everyone was very hostile. Well, I shouldn't say everyone, because it wasn't everyone, but the vast majority of people there were almost mean about the whole thing. It was nice talking to Lars and Dylan and even Paul for a while, but other than that, it just made me feel bad. My final straw was when Jackie said something downright cruel to Anne and I just couldn't take it any more. I fumed under my breath for a couple seconds to which she responded with some retort about not being deaf...so I left. Anne came with me since we drove together and we spent the drive home wondering how people can choose to be so negative.

I feel I have grown so much in the past five years since graduating from high school, and I am doing my best to become the best version of myself I can be. I just don't understand why people choose to be cruel and critical and negative. It isn't an energy I want in my life, or in the lives of the people I love. And it goes against EVERYTHING the play is about, too! I mean, Jesus has this amazing monologue at the end about loving each other and loving EVERYONE. He talks about how people ask him "where are you?" to which he responds "where, are YOU?". And that is what I wanted to say to those people at Dick's. "WHERE ARE YOU?" Why are you choosing to be this way, this negative, critical version of yourself. Why can't we choose love?  So, I'm chosing love, it is Valentine's Day after all, being after midnight. I'm off to see RENT at TMP with Anne tomorrow, which I'm super excited about, and then we get to do a stage combat workshop for Cripple. Yay.

So, with this blog I'm letting it go. People can make their own choices to be negative, but I choose love. And on to my gratitude:
1. Choreographing for Dance, though I will miss dancing, my piece is going to be bomb! Hehe.
2. Positive loving people in my life. Anne first among them tonight.
3. Pooka, he greets me every day with unconditional love. I need to learn to love like him.
4. This blog. I'm glad I'm committing to posting here daily (as much as I can) and remembering to choose love and gratitude.
5. My decision to leave Dick's tonight. I am glad I am honoring myself and putting myself in places of love and understanding and not letting low energies of negative people bring me down. I will lift them up if they want to come, but if they don't, I'm headed on up to happiness and love without them.
Namaste.

Day 211: Early Valentine

Okay, so I used to be a massive critic of Valentine's Day. It's a cookie cutter holiday hyped by greeting card companies and florists that suddenly puts a price tag on love for a day. That's how I would have explained things six months ago. And while I agree that Valentine's Day can be that, I learned it doesn't have to be. I am a Valentine's Day convert.

It's February 13, the eve of the festival of love. But because of being in a long distance relationship and the fact that the post office doesn't deliver on my Sundays, today was my day for that. My gift from P came in the mail today, and he waited until today, when I had mine, to open his from me. And it was adorable - simple and sweet. Top that off with some great news and some heartfelt texting, and it was perfect.

And a Valentine from my dear Kim rounded out the day.

Today, I am grateful for:
* P. He is so good to me.
* finding out that a usually tacky holiday can be sweet if you're with the right person.
* advice from Amy.
* only having six days until I'm with my baby (thanks to a last minute change in travel).
* a card from Kim today.

Day 210: A Lesson in Gratitude

I woke up in a decidedly bad mood today. With my alarm going off at 8:15am, I slammed my hand across the snooze button of my phone/alarm and cursed before rolling back over to bed. I pried myself out of bed about ten minutes later to a winter wonderland of snow, and for a moment, I was eight years old. I was a kid who just wanted to play. And that went away half way into a walk with the dogs when Rufus ruffled up to show me that the pitbull who had attacked us months ago was staring right at us through the woods. So the wonderland was interrupted by a dash back to the safety of home.

It wasn't until I got to the hair salon that I stepped out of my sour mood to smile and interact with the world. May hair lady is amazing, and there is something about getting pampered while catching up with a friend that can't not put a smile on my face.

I came home to a late Christmas present in the mail to a kitchen that would soon be filled with the makings of homemade tortilla soup and a television that was focused on Olympic coverage. The Olympics, to me, are an inspiration in gratitude, pride and unity. And as I sit here watching the opening ceremonies of this year's Olympic Games, I find myself being moved by that inspiration.

The day started off horribly, mostly because I decided it was going to, but it became one of smiles, laughter and inspiration.

So today, I am grateful:
* Operation I'll Cut A Bitch.
* today's trip to the salon.
* an amazing text from Amy today. Best. text. ever.
* amazing art.
* being only eight days from the people I love so much.

Day 7: Week of Gratitude

Wow. A week of gratitude. Feels great.
1. Rehearsal tonight. Wasn't a big scene for me so I mostly sat back and watched and listened and it was kinda cool to get to explore Eileen as the observer.
2. Daily Show. Again. Last night's episode was amazing. Global darkening!!!
3. Raw foods. I'm having some major cravings today, but it is good to know I am eating really well and treating my body well.
4. Dance auditions tomorrow!!!
5. Stage Makeup. We get to play with makeup. For credit.
Namaste

Day 209: A Little Worry

Ever been super worried about something even though you know it's a stupid worry? It's happened to me. Let me rephrase: It's happening to me.

It's been a day of self doubt, big time. I'm worried that I'm fucking up this relationship by either doing too much or too little or by coming on too strong. It's the hardest part of doing the long distance thing, there's more space for doubt.

But in nine days, hopefully it will all go away, and I can just relax in his arms.

But I am still grateful for:
* Kelli being so awesome at calming me down.
* having an appointment to get my hair done tomorrow. Nothing ebbs stress like a little pampering.
* reciprocation.
* my mom surprising me with the new Lady A cd because I was feeling down.
* sex hair.

Day 6: Egg Extortions

Today has been busy but wonderful. But now I'm exhausted so on to the gratitude!
1. Cripple. Rehearsal tonight was. Amazing.
2. Getting to go grocery shopping today and leaving the store with all amazing produce that I know is good for me.
3. Laying on the couch at the end of the day. Sometimes putting your feet up just feels so good.
4. Pooka. He is adorable. And when I stop to pay attention to him it is impossible to be stressed.
5. Directing. Our first reading for class tomorrow was amazing. One of my favourite readings I've ever had for class.
Namaste.

Days 207 & 208: Broken Down Palace

It's been an off couple of days. No real reason. No real cause. But things have been off. It's a personal quirk I suppose that things got so good that I only assume they're going to crash around me, so I preemptively brace. With no reason. And no cause.

So that's what I've been doing for the past two days. As much as I've tried to stop myself, to let myself be happy. I've been barricading myself in just in case the breakdown that I imagine actually comes.

Because I'm not used to being happy.

I am grateful for:
* the happiness I have had, however distrusting of life it may make me.
* being so close to home.
* having amazing friends.
* rediscovering good music.
* discovering new, fun television.
* a good talk with my father.
* having such a supportive mother.
* maybe getting to see Amy.
* the personal heater that is Sophie, who likes to cuddle on these cold nights.
* chai. It's just really soothing.

Day 5: So busy!

Well, the semester has officially started. Already crazy busy, but in the best way.
1. Two days of raw foods down! Feeling great.
2. First blocking rehearsal. Already amazing.
3. Ballroom today. Byron loves me and Jack already!
4. Ellen Degenerous.
5. Returning to an attitude of gratitude.
Namaste.

Day 4: Belated due to migraine...

So, I've been suffering from some major migraines lately, but I'm not going to let it deter my gratitude (just a bit delayed). So on to gratitude!
1. Cripple of Inishmaan. The read thru last night was great. It is going to be a lot of work, but I think the play is going to be beautiful.
2. My vampires.
3. Big Love. I finished season 3 yesterday. Brilliant.
4. Starting my last semester of undergrad in a couple hours!!
5. Daily Show and Colbert report. Which need no explanation.
Namaste.

Day 206: Wonderland

Today, I am grateful for:
* being less than two weeks away from him.
* amazing texts.
* quality television.
* John Mayer's music.
* snow.

Apologies for being a little (a lot) boy-centric lately. Now that I'm getting closer, it's gotten a little harder to wait.

Day 3: Highs and Lows

Today was weird. I had some highs and some definite lows. I think I'm going to try eating all raw foods again for a while. I just remember how amazing I felt physically and emotionally when I did that last February, so I think I might give it another go. I can always stop if I don't like it. So...on to gratitude...
1. Seeing theatre. Jacklyn and Kaitlyn took me to see Bug, a UTS show at UW. It was not very good, but seeing theatre is always great.
2. Big Love. Again. Season 3 = Brilliant.
3. Having our first read thru tomorrow night. I am so excited to get the whole cast together and get the process started. While I was hoping for a few people to get cast who didn't, I'm SO excited about this cast and this show and to finally get to really act in a Brian play. And with Anne. All amazing.
4. Anne. She is amazing and I'm lucky to have her as a friend.
5. Rest. While this week wasn't the best for me, it was good to rest and rejuvinate. Things get crazy starting tomorrow. Buying books. Rehearsals. Dance. Classes. But I like my life busy. :)

Namaste.

Day 205: Who Dat?!

My trip is fast approaching, and I am currently logistically fucked. I have made no plans except dinner with the roomie and days and nights with P. Realistically, I'll have to get on that pretty soon or everyone will be in class or at work, but at the moment, I'm content to just bask in the happy feeling I've had for the last couple days.

It's SuperBowl Sunday, so I got to spend a fair amount of my day chilling on the couch with the dogs and my parents while texting with the people I love. I will fully admit to cheering for the Colts. After all, they're my team, second only to the Seahawks. But I was so happy to see the Saints win, even if it meant losing a bet with P. The city needed something amazing, and that's what Brees and the boys gave it.

Today, I am grateful for:
* entertaining bets, even when I lose them.
* football. I love it.
* Kelli letting me bounce ideas and questions off of her.
* Rufus feeling better after being sick this morning.
* being only 13 days away from him.

Day 2: Fun with Dad

1. My dad getting to visit today. He hardly ever gets to visit so it was great when he said he could stop by for a day in his way to the Olympics.
2. East and West Cafe. Nuf said.
3. The prospect of Cripple rehearsals starting Monday. I'm so excited!
4. Point Defiance park. My dad and I took a great walk there this afternoon.
5. Knowing exactly what I need to do to look and feel the way I want to. The feeling part being the most important. I have all the tools I need to truly feel great and I'm excited to make the transition to make the big changes happen for real and more importantly, forever.
Namaste

Day 204: Two Weeks

I'm in a totally girly happy state and have been for the past few days. I'm pretty sure it's impossible to harsh my mellow right now. And it's all because of a guy...

I never thought I would be this girl. Ever. And I'm kind of embarrassed but too happy to care. Oh man...

Today, I am grateful for:
* amazing dreams.
* sweet texts.
* getting to sleep in today.
* a day on top of West Mountain.
* being this happy.

A New Day 1: Starting over, yet again.

I've been MIA for a while for several reasons. A rough semester, depression, eating disorder, Christmas, travel...
But as the title of this post says, I'm starting over, yet again. I've been extremely hard on myself lately and I'm going to do my best from now on to love myself and be kind to myself. And I think gratitude is a great place to start from. So I'm going to try and do at least a quick blog each day with five or so things I'm grateful for. So here goes:
1. Big Love. It is genius.
2. Ireland. It was amazing and truly changed my life
3. Getting cast in Cripple. I'm so excited I can barely comprehend that it is really going to happen.
4. Pooka. He is the best thing in my life and loves me unconditionally.
5. The wonderful people in my life who remind me that I am a good person and that I can and should surround myself with love. I don't need to spend time or energy on those who being me down.
Namaste

Day 203: Fifteen Days

Today, I am grateful for:
* an amazing (and sweet) text conversation last night.
* finally having a few plans nailed down.
* having plans that include a coffee date with Kelsey in a few weeks!
* chai.
* Post-Its.

Day 202: Happy Feeling

Today has been one of those days where I've been blissfully happy despite nothing huge-gantically amazing happening today. Realistically, it has a lot to do with the Boy. I'll admit that. But it's nice to be happy...

Today, I am grateful for:
* only being 16 days away from him.
* Kerrigan & Lowdermilk's "Run Away With Me."
* dibsing.
* this happy feeling.
* having friends I can girl out to.

Day 201: Baby

Today, I am grateful for:
* being someone's "baby." For some reason, there's something about being called "baby' and "babe" that makes me smile from the inside.
* heading to the top of West Mountain today. It's so tranquil and untouched. It's pretty perfect.
* good music. I have so much that I'm obsessed with right now.
* good television tonight.
* getting stared at by every male member of the bank staff today. I went in to take care of some stuff, and I got really caught off guard by the attention. Kelli and I decided it was a compliment.

Days 199 & 200: Almost

I'm in a really weird headspace right now. I had a rough night last night after a comment from my father set me off, and I didn't really recover until this afternoon. And then I spent the day utterly excited to be less than three weeks away from everything. But now I'm in that weird, semi-depressed place where I just wish I was there and that things weren't happening without me.

I just want to be back. And being this close to it throws that into a harsh light. And it's making me confront that I'm not sure how to do this, and that's not something I'm used to facing.

But I'm almost there. Almost. And then it will all be okay.

I am grateful for:
* the text message that cheered me up this morning.
* getting a good morning walk in today.
* the premiere of Lost tonight.
* Eric Bibb's new CD coming in the mail today. My uncle plays harmonica on it, and I adore Eric, so I'm excited to listen.
* the promise of a better tomorrow.
* my mom asking some really good questions last night.
* blankets and small dresses.
* Paula Cole's CD.
* the Clinique free gift with purchase that I got today. Cute fun stuff as a bonus for getting the boring stuff like powder.
* my amazing friends.