Day 74: Vehicular Douchebaggery

In a sense, today was better than yesterday. I had my breakdown early while at Calvary Cemetery visiting my grandfather's grave. But I saw his grave and Uncle Mark's grave and just talked to them until things made more sense of less sense. Then I headed to hospice, where I still am, to be with my grandmother. She's tired today and only just woke up from an epic nap, but she held my hand for a while, and it's a memory I'm going to keep with me. Knowing that I could calm her down is a really touching thing.

So I've been exhausted all week, and apparently the less sleep I get, the more I swear. I yelled at a bus that cut us off on the freeway today and then grumbled, "I am in no mood for vehicular douchebaggery." Apparently, I'm back in "don't fuck with me" mode. [Insert your own Kathy Griffin "She'll Cut a Bitch" joke here."]

I guess my point is that I'm making it. I couldn't see being anywhere but here.

My list o' gratitude includes:

• sleeping in this morning. I had a head ache like a motherfucker, and it kind of went away.
• having hosts that enjoy swearing. It makes editing so much less necessary. And it's good for some laughs.
• this time with my grandmother.
• Advil. No joke. I'm taking four more right now.
• Justin's version of "I Think The Strange, The Crazed, The Queer" from Glass. I sang it to my grandmother to make her fall asleep. It's oddly perfect.