Day 66: Things Fall Apart

Today was a rather fantastic day. With the sun shining, my mom and I headed into Texas to run a few errands and to do a little shopping. It's a little early, but I went on an outerwear bender and ended up buying a long cardigan, and my mom sprung for a white peacoat for me because she decided I had to have it.

And then my day went in a completely different direction. While I was winding down from today's trip and showing my mom the first episode of Leverage, we got a call from my uncle. Apparently my grandmother isn't doing very well, and the next thirty-six to forty-eight hours are going to decide if she's going to live.

My grandmother is a big reason I am the person I am. She always taught me to have an opinion and to stick up for myself. My grandmother and my mom are the reason I'm so tough. She supported me in everything from dance recitals to basketball games to my best political moments. So it's a big deal for me to lose her. It's like losing a part of myself.

So now I'm looking for Catholic length black dresses because there's probably a memorial service in my very near future. Then it's time to get things set up for a cross-country road trip. If this is happening, I need to be there.

This isn't the way I planned to visit Seattle. I thought I'd come up for a few days to grab some drinks, have some coffee and see a show or two if a friend was performing. I won't have time for any of that. If I'm there, it's anything but a celebration.

So today has kind of been a whirlwind for me. It's got from high to low to wishing my head didn't hurt so bad from crying. But there's some good to hold on to, and I'm just trying to remember that.

It seems rather trivial right now, but I am grateful for:

• 90 degree weather.
• my new cardigan and new coat, especially now that I'll probably need them sooner rather than later.
• getting "I'm Yours" as my ringback tone.
• my mom telling me that Parker from Leverage reminds her of me, "except [I'm] less disturbed."
• having an amazing family. My mom's side of the family is incredibly close, and it's been an amazing experience to grow up in that atmosphere. We mean the world to each other.