These are the days when I wonder why I don't just give in. Why not let the disease win? It would save a lot of pain, and I would get to be skinny again. That's when I remember that I need to control it. Because as much as I hate these days, 99% of the time I don't want to die. And I have to remember that that's where this could take me.
So I decided not to sneak the diet pills and to go on a major SlimFast shopping trip tomorrow. (I adore their vanilla shakes.) Even if I just eat/drink that, it's better than starving myself. And they're easy to count with.
Today, I'm grateful for:
- Kelli. She was a big help today. Thanks, love.
- Antigone being safe now. My mom looked outside today to see a pregnant Black Lab walking down the road. Some bastard dropped her off on our inlet, and the poor thing was walking around in the rain. I finally go her to come to me, and my mom and I took her to an animal shelter where she could give birth safely. I have no idea what her name is since she wasn't wearing a collar when we found her, so I called her Antigone.
- take out Chinese. My mom ordered it once we got back from the shelter. We were both exhausted.
- Warehouse 13 being on tonight. I need something to get lost in, and it's going to provide a nice escape.
- being two hours ahead of Seattle. That means that I can just go to bed tonight, and get up tomorrow morning to do research for my meeting. With the time difference, I'll have plenty of time before a "morning" meeting.
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