The Rules

Sam and I are both missing San Francisco today... and thus I've been thinking about The Rules - a list that originated on that trip and has governed our lives for over a year now. Scarcely a day goes by when I am not grateful for The Rules. Kelli and Sam have often Rule 15'd me into a great pair of shoes, one extra drink, or some eye-tennis with a cute boy. All three of us have Rule 6'd each other to save ourselves the consequences of wearing leggings as pants or doing/saying/texting something we'll regret the next morning. In short, The Rules are for the greater good of all.

And I now feel the need to share the full list 1) for archival purposes, 2) so that they may enrich your own life, and 3) because tonight, we added a new Rule. Don't fret if you don't understand some of The Rules... just trust that they will never fail you.

The Rules:

1) No beating each other. (Exception: Beating others is acceptable if Sam leads us down a dark alley.)

2) No apologizing for being girly.

3) "Chubby bitches" is the safe word. And possibly a compound word.*

4) Blame Jessica Biel.

5) No getting rabies.

6) Don't do that / Intervention for your own safety.

7) No STDs.

8) What happens in San Fran stays in San Fran.

9) No pulling a Stacey.

10) No falling in the water - you will get left behind.

11) No exploding.**

12) Don't provoke the gorillas.***

13) Stop making eye contact / Quality control.

14) Equal or better ratios!

15) Just fucking do it! (Sexual favors excluded.)

16) All texts to boys must be approved.

17) No exercising on vacation.

18) You must be able to walk your own ass home.

Aaaand, #19, which was added tonight:

No using dollar signs in place of letters. (Sam will never be $am.)

Because while I will admit that her song "My First Kiss" is really damn catchy and stuck in my head - I blame SYTYCD - I refuse to spell Kesha's name that way.

And there you have 'em, ladies. (And anyone else who reads our little blog.) Use them wisely.

*I should note that "Pomegranate" has become a safe word too... though it is also the word used to summon the fashion intervention team. Yes, it's confusing.

** Don't worry, we were never actually at risk of exploding or getting rabies or STDs in San Fran. We just figured those were generally good Rules for everyday life.

***I love that this Rule originated because we were planning to visit the San Francisco Zoo, but we never actually made it there. And yet the Rule still exists.