I know I've been MIA for a while, but I'm trying to return to gratitude. I've had a very hard time focusing on the positive and maintaining an attitude of gratitude lately. Since NOMT ended I have fallen into some very self-defeating behaviors and my eating disorder has come back with a vengeance. I was worried that night happen post-NOMT with my typical post show depresaion being worse than normal and not getting in to Judas and not having anything to focus my energy on. And I was all too right. I fell in to the worst depression of my life and I've been letting my eating disorder run my life. But I had a wonderful text conversation with Sam today and I an ready to take the steps to start taking control of my life again. Starting here. With returning to gratitude and love which are the most important. Really they are just manifestations of each other.
So today I'm grateful for:
-so you think you can dance. Between the tour and this season finally kicking in it brings so much joy to my life.
-knowing I have amazing friends who are there for me.
-realizing that sometimes I need to let things go and just do what is best for me
-Sam understanding what I'm going through and always being there with a helpful text
-Pooka. He is and always will be a constant source of joy in my life. Even when he takes over the bed and wakes me up way too early.
I'm coming back to life. Getting my wings ready. And I'm going to start with gratitude for everything. This breath.
Namaste.
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