Day 140: "No flag; no country."

I've been dreaming a lot lately, ever since I got to Philly. At first I thought it was triggered by holiday sweets, but those are gone, and the dreams are not. But Kelli brought up that they might be caused by stress, and that actually sounds like it might be a big part of it.

I've shared that my aunt has, barring a miracle, lost her battle with cancer. On a less important note, I'm really stressed about not knowing when or how I'm getting to Seattle before the holidays. And while the thought of not getting to see friends is extremely displeasing, the idea of not seeing my aunt is heartbreaking. And the thought of not seeing Phil is stressing me out something fierce. My brain is going through all of the "what ifs" that are within any sort of realm of possibility. Will he wait for me if I don't make it soon? Will he find someone else? Will we ever get to actually talk through everything and get together if we don't get to talk in person? And so much more.

So, yeah, I've been a little stressed. Some of it's silly, and some of it's founded. But it's all there, so today has been about distractions.

Today, I am grateful for:

• Jimmy Fallon's "best of" disc from SNL. It's got some great stuff.
• Eddie Izzard. I watched Dressed to Kill today and momentarily forgot about anything.
• my nervous energy translating into getting a lot of cleaning done.
• White Collar tonight.
• Ghost Bros. Friday nights.