Days 8 and 9: Where are You?

So, the last two days have been a bit of a roller coaster. I stopped eating raw, I had dance auditions, I went and saw the Last Days of Judas Iscariot at UW and I found out my Oceanography prof doesn't believe in global warming. Dance auditions were great. I have eight great dancers, four of whom I've worked with before and love and four of whom I am soon to love. Maureen is being frustrating and wont let me change my song. It is so hard to audition with a song that inspires you in November and still have the same level of inspiration in FEBRUARY. Ugh. I'm hoping she will cave and let me change, because I am so inspired by my new song and I really really want to use it.

Tonight a bunch of PLU folk went and saw The Last Days of Judas Iscariot at UW. It was their grad program production. Okay, so we just did this show in the fall, student directed by Travis Morris, and I wasn't in it, though many people say I should have been. I love the play, and I loved our production. I had some problems with a few performances and a few directing choices, but overall I thought it was a great show. Okay, with that said, I LOVED UW's production. It was amazing. The actors were incredible. There were women playing men, people playing across race, people playing tons of characters and changing their physicality drastically for each one. I thought it was amazing and it moved and surprised me more than I would have thought possible since I am so familiar with the play already.

Well, we went to Dick's afterward to get some cheap food (I just watched people eat since it is burgers) and chat about the show. BIG MISTAKE. People literally yelled at Anne and I for liking it. I was told I was dumb, someone yelled in my face and told me the show was fucking awful. It was horrid. I felt so attacked and so hated. It was just such a horrible energy space. It was as if Anne and I were bad people for enjoying a well performed piece of theatre. The set was amazing (which EVERYONE agreed on) but beyond that everyone was very hostile. Well, I shouldn't say everyone, because it wasn't everyone, but the vast majority of people there were almost mean about the whole thing. It was nice talking to Lars and Dylan and even Paul for a while, but other than that, it just made me feel bad. My final straw was when Jackie said something downright cruel to Anne and I just couldn't take it any more. I fumed under my breath for a couple seconds to which she responded with some retort about not being deaf...so I left. Anne came with me since we drove together and we spent the drive home wondering how people can choose to be so negative.

I feel I have grown so much in the past five years since graduating from high school, and I am doing my best to become the best version of myself I can be. I just don't understand why people choose to be cruel and critical and negative. It isn't an energy I want in my life, or in the lives of the people I love. And it goes against EVERYTHING the play is about, too! I mean, Jesus has this amazing monologue at the end about loving each other and loving EVERYONE. He talks about how people ask him "where are you?" to which he responds "where, are YOU?". And that is what I wanted to say to those people at Dick's. "WHERE ARE YOU?" Why are you choosing to be this way, this negative, critical version of yourself. Why can't we choose love?  So, I'm chosing love, it is Valentine's Day after all, being after midnight. I'm off to see RENT at TMP with Anne tomorrow, which I'm super excited about, and then we get to do a stage combat workshop for Cripple. Yay.

So, with this blog I'm letting it go. People can make their own choices to be negative, but I choose love. And on to my gratitude:
1. Choreographing for Dance, though I will miss dancing, my piece is going to be bomb! Hehe.
2. Positive loving people in my life. Anne first among them tonight.
3. Pooka, he greets me every day with unconditional love. I need to learn to love like him.
4. This blog. I'm glad I'm committing to posting here daily (as much as I can) and remembering to choose love and gratitude.
5. My decision to leave Dick's tonight. I am glad I am honoring myself and putting myself in places of love and understanding and not letting low energies of negative people bring me down. I will lift them up if they want to come, but if they don't, I'm headed on up to happiness and love without them.
Namaste.