Days 185 &186: Me Love

Kelli brings up a really good and really interesting point. I consistently make an effort to make sure that as many people as possible know how much I love them (especially since I've struggled with that in the past), but I really struggle with accepting love. Not in the angsty, "nobody loves me" sort of way, but more out of my own insecurities. I have trouble believing that someone could love me.

I admitted to Amy while she was visiting the Ark that, especially when it comes to men, I see my self as way too screwed up to warrant anyone's love. Between my anorexia, my depression and just normal day to day things, being close to me can get (and usually does get) stressful. I worry that people will decide it's too much and run away, and what's more, I don't really blame them.

So not only do I need to take Kelli's suggestion and accept love from others, but I also need to remember to love myself, and I'm guessing that a lot of women (and men) need to remember the same thing. We all have our baggage, and I certainly have mine, but that isn't a fault. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm (likely) not "damaged goods." And I'm worth loving. It's just a matter of finding people with complimentary baggage.

Today, I am grateful for:
* all the amazing people that surround me in my life.
* the love that I have been blessed with.
* friends who support my ideas.
* a-mazing ice cream today.
* being back in the city for a few days.
* realizing that I very well may be worth falling for.
* getting to sleep in today.
* hearing "When You Wish Upon A Star" live on the sax while walking through the terminal today.
* my arm warmers, which I rocked for the first time today.
* Miriam.