Yesterday's serivce for my aunt was an experience that I didn't expect. I didn't expect to smile and to find people that I intend to keep in touch with. I didn't expect to have joy. But that was Eileen. That was her legacy.
The church was full to the last row with people who love Eileen and love Grant and who love both of their families. I learned things about Eileen that I wish I had been able to talk to her about while she was alive, her writing and her crazy camping stories. And the people are some people that could very well stay in my life. One of Eileen's high school friends and I had a long talk about writing (She writes fiction.) and memory, and her partner and I had a long, long talk about music and hope. We talked about how we can't change the world, but we can change our world and hope it changes someone else's. There were talks of guitar and talks of hope.
And yet, once I left the service and the reception, I felt so dead inside. I didn't want to talk; I couldn't think; I was barely functioning.
Today, I am calmer and thinking fondly of yesterday. The biggest comfort I have in this loss is that Eileen touched so many lives and was loved wherever she went.
I am grateful for:
* all the stories I heard.
* all of the hugs.
* the amazing musicians that I got to talk to.
* the way Eileen's mother greeted me.
* getting to spend time in Philly as a whole family for the next few days.
* talking to Rick. He made me smile so much.
* conversations about hope with Joe.
* a lazy day of football.
* a lazy night of football last night.
* the amount of love that has been shared surroundinhg Eileen's passing.
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