Days 560-62: SAGs

So it's NHL All Star weekend. I didn't think I would get to see it because it was on Versus. But my mom is awesome and agreed to go to a sports bar with me to watch the game. It was perfect.

Today, I am grateful for:
* getting to see the game.
* my awesome mom.
* beautiful weather.
* the SAGs ending my day.
* this dress existing (because I want it):

Day 559: Rocky Mountain Grill

Today, I am grateful for:
* Phil joining me in supporting projects on DonorsChoose.org.
* dinner with Don and Debbie tonight.
* getting back into BSG.
* morning walks.
* warm weather in January.

Day 558: I Am the Walrus

I am grateful for:
* raspberry ebelskivers.
* good music.
* Kelli letting me bounce ideas off of her.
* Dobey looking good today.
* fun movies.

554-57: Fat Bottom Girls

I am grateful for:
* finally figuring out how to make a wedding-worthy gluten-free cupcake of awesomeness. Em deserves nothing but the best on her day, and I'm so happy to be able to provide it in fun flavors!
* used cds. They're so cheap! It's an excellent way to acquire guilty pleasure music with only half the guilt.
* finding Phil's Valentine's Day present!
* music I can rock out to. It's been that sort of week...
* fun reading.

543-52: Our First Mistake

I am grateful for:
* Kerrigan-Lowdermilk finally coming out with a cd. It's amazing. I've always loved their music, so having it available on my ipod is a nice treat.
* finding a house that I really like. Step One is almost complete!
* phone dates. There should be more.
* getting to see my friends' Seattle engagement photos. Manda and Petter are such an adorable couple, and the pictures totally show it.
* being in love. I know it's corny. Trust me, I know. But it's also completely true. Finding Phil has made me incredibly happy.
* good books. I always love reading, but lately I'm on an especially big kick.
* my adorable dogs. Rufus got a 3am burst of energy that was less than restful but totally worth it.

Days 522-42: My Heart Is Split

I've been absent for far longer than intended. I have two (unrelated) reasons: The first is that I had a bad case of the flu over Christmas and didn't even move for several days; the second is that the day after I recovered, I flew out to spend New Year's Eve with my sweetheart. I'm actually still staying at Phil's house since snow is making traveling back to Little Rock rather difficult.

The more time I spend here in Seattle and, for that matter, the more time I spend in Hot Springs, I realize what I'm feeling: My heart is split. For anyone that hasn't heard that phrase, it's a song by Kait Kerrigan and Brian Lowdermilk (kerrigan-lowdermilk.com). I've connected to it for a while, but it fits even more perfectly right now.

I love living in Arkansas. It's the break that I needed, and it has lead me to some amazing people that have broadened my perspective on life. I get to live on a lake and take time easy while volunteering for the local Humane Society. I cook in an amazing kitchen and bake dog treats for my two dogs and all of their doggie friends. It's a simple life, but it's a good one. And it feels like home.

But Seattle is where I was born and raised. It's where my friends are. It's where my family is. It's where the love of my life is, and I know that to take the next step in my life, moving back is essential. (And I can't say goodbye to him again. It hurts far too much in a way I can't even describe.

My heart is split. Both places feel right in their own ways, and they can never be combined. Arkansas isn't Seattle, and Seattle isn't Hot Springs (which is what I love about both locations). So I'm choosing Seattle. Because it's where my heart feels most complete and alive. But I will always be a Southern girl in a place in my heart, and I hope to visit Hot Springs throughout my life, showing it off to Phil once again and eventually showing it off to our children.

It's a hard choice. It hurts a little. But it's the right choice.

“My Heart Is Split”
from The Freshman Experiment

It happens every now and then.
I hear the words I need to hear
Coming from the tiny speakers
That I’ve shoved into my ears.

The crickets setting the tempo,
The wind dancing across my skin,
Reminding me of conversations,
Summer nights when I stayed in.

Back home, before I moved.
Back home, before I got here.
Back home with the people who loved me my eighteen years.

My heart is split
Between home and here.
I’m cut in half
Two beds, two lives, and I live in between
My porch back at home and this strange new world I knit.
My heart is split.

As sudden as the onset of winter,
As nat’ral as the trail mix they all eat
This untamed and icy place I live
Has swept me off my size-five feet.

I read non-stop to quell the absence.
I drink too much. I fall in love too fast.
Obsessively collecting songs and details
Nothing’s gone but nothing’s lasting

Back home, before I moved.
Back home, before I got here.
Back home with the people who loved me my eighteen years.

I’m split
Between home and here.
I’m cut in half
Two beds, two lives, and I live in between
My porch back at home and this strange new world I knit.
My heart is split.

My heart is split
I’m home but I’m still here.
I’m cut in half
Two beds, two lives, and I live in between
My porch back at home and this strange new world I knit.
My heart is split
My heart is split
It happens every now and then.
I hear the words I need to hear
Coming from the tiny speakers
That I’ve shoved into my ears



I am grateful for:
* both of these places finding a place in my heart and teaching me so many things.
* the amazing friends and family I have here in Seattle.
* getting snowed in here so I can have a few more days with Phil. (We had a tearful goodbye this morning before I realized I needed to change my flight since I couldn't get home safely.)
* good music and fun video games.
* knowing what's waiting for me when I get back to Arkansas.