Lexi

I'm struggling to find gratitude today. This afternoon, my family made the difficult and sudden decision to have our golden retriever, Lexi, put to sleep. She was old, to be sure, and had serious arthritis, but it wasn't until three days ago that she took a serious turn for the worse. She wasn't eating much, and yesterday she got to the point where she couldn't stand for even a few seconds without collapsing, so my parents took her to the vet early this morning. While the blood work didn't reveal much more than an odd white-blood cell count, the x-ray showed numerous small tumors in her chest. The vet told my mom the tumors could possibly be treated with heavy medication, but that with Lexi's old age, the outlook wasn't good. The vet did make sure we knew that Lexi didn't show signs of being in much pain, though. That's good. Yet we knew starting her on new and heavier meds would only prolong the inevitable for a couple of months. So just before 3:00, we all said goodbye.

There are very few, if any, moments I can recall when I've seen my dad cry like that. We all cried.

I really don't mean to pass my sadness on to anyone who reads this. That's not my intention at all. I'm not even sure why I'm writing about it, except that maybe I need to for some kind of closure. I already feel a little better.

Pets are family; losing them, even when you know it's their time, is incredibly hard. I'm now trying to let go of the sadness and focus on all the joy Lexi brought to my family. I'm grateful for the many years we had her and all the love she gave us.

We adopted Lexi from my dad's sister Joni when she separated from her husband, moved out of Washington, and couldn't take the dog with her. I remember how back then Lexi had so much energy and would go on walks for days if you'd let her (and could keep up.) Playing fetch was one of her most favorite activities. She absolutely loved people and was an incredible attention whore, barking if you stopped petting her for even a second. She was a 100-and-something pound lap-dog. She rarely walked around without a toy or a bone in her mouth, and my dad always said it looked like she was smoking a cigar. Even when her arthritis got bad and she couldn't come to the door to greet us when we got home, she'd bark and wag her bushy tail until we'd come to her. When I got Gidget, my little corgi, about a year and a half ago, Lexi wasn't at all territorial - rather, she became the mama dog, putting up with the puppy pouncing and chewing on her. I think Gidget even brought some of the youth back into Lexi; they loved wrestling together. I'll admit that as she got older and started losing her hearing, her constant loud barking annoyed me. But I know that was just her way of getting attention. She was a wonderful member of our family.

Today, I'm grateful for all these positive memories of her. I'm grateful that we had a chance to say goodbye together, all four of us. I'm grateful she went without any pain. I'm grateful for the amazing staff at our vet who were so helpful and comforting today. I'm grateful to know that Lexi's ashes will be scattered at Mount Rainier. I'm grateful for Gidget and the many years of happiness and love we have ahead of us. I'm grateful for welcome distractions this evening, like Back to the Future on tv. (My brother had never seen that movie! Can you believe it?) I'm grateful that I feel better after writing all of this. I'm grateful that tomorrow is a new day.

What are you grateful for?

Day 521: Mile

I'm like the little girl in the Hallmark ornament commercial. I want Christmas!

Today, I am grateful for:
* Christmas ornaments.
* having an awesome workout today.
* love.
* my adorable dogs being so spunky today.

Day 520: "Hangin' like a jewel upon the cheek of night"

Today, I am grateful for:
* an a-mazing workout today. I feel kind of bad ass.
* Christmas packages.
* changing my pizza recipe and having it turn out awesome.
* Christmas ornaments.
* Rufus looking better today.

Days 518-19: "Happy birthday, Jesus."

It's been sort of been an off day. I woke up this morning to have Rufus not eating and refusing to go for a walk, two things he normally gets to first thing in the morning. After rushing him to the emergency vet clinic, we found out my little buddy is anemic. (Who knew?) So it's mostly been a day of keeping an eye on him. But on his evening walk, I had to climb up an embankment to save him, falling back down that embankment when the branch I was using to climb broke suddenly. But as far as off days, I suppose it's not that bad...

And I'm still grateful for:
* Rufus being okay.
* the smell that fills the house when I'm baking dog treats.
* Phil liking the first part of his Christmas present.
* the "free on itunes" section.
* Leverage tonight.

Days 511-17: Peanut Brittle

It's the holidays! Everyone's lights are up; holiday parties are on; everyone is getting cozy. I love this time of year. So much.

I am grateful for:
* amazing friends.
* fun food.
* dinner with Curtis and Charlotte.
* Charlotte's Christmas treats.
* Nate coming soon.
* Phil.
* good music.
* a new cupcake recipe turning out.
* love.

Days 509 & 510: Sugar and Spice

Today, I am grateful for:
* last night's community Christmas party.
* Dirty Santa. I got an awesome bottle of wine.
* Theo Chocolates.
* cozy blankets.
* my bear hat.
* a chance to bond with the neighbors.
* my dogs.
* the soul warming effects of fresh-baked chicken pot pie.
* love.

Days 507 & 508: Merry Christmas, Darling. Happy New Year too.

I think it's impossible to be sad during Christmas time - the hot cocoa, the ornaments, the exchanging of gifts, the lights, the get togethers, the comfy clothes. It gives me that corny "warm and fuzzy" feeling.

Today, I am grateful for:
* Team Diva.
* thoughtful gifts.
* cute Christmas cards.
* having the stockings hung.
* quality television.
* cozy blankets.
* holiday plans.
* gingerbread houses.

Days 505 & 506: Lie to me

Today, I am grateful for:
* getting the first batch of Christmas presents mailed out.
* peppermint hot cocoa.
* leggings.
* my holiday mug.
* sweater boots.

Days 502-04: Something to talk about...

There's a Facebook campaign going on right now where you're supposed to change your profile picture to a picture of your favorite childhood cartoon character. The whole idea is to raise awareness about violence against children.

I've bitched about my parents in this particular medium, but the truth is, I've been lucky. I've never had to deal with violence at home, and I know I'm with a man who would never lay a hand on our children in the future. And sadly, others aren't so lucky.

In this season of family, it's a reminder that not everyone has a family like mine. We may fight, and I can't wait to get away from my father, but I've never had to live through something like so many other children do.

Today, I am grateful for:
* how lucky I am to have the family I do.
* little gestures starting big conversations.
* everyone else taking part.
* love.
* good conversation.

Day 501: Christmas Magic

Today, I am grateful for:
* waking up in my own bed.
* the way the dogs greeted us this morning.
* Christmas magic making everything work out!
* a chick date with Kelsey. It's been way too long.
* the most amazing boyfriend.